My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
