Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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