Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
