woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
