i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
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I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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