Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm too high and old for this...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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