I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
