please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
