i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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