I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
