I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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