and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
