Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
