oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize