Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
