haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
