You're earring is so big in my mouth
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
