you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
