i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
