Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
