he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize