Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
