The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You're a waste of cheezeits
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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