It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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