I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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