if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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