i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
