I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
