ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
