he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
