your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
