dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
