I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
