9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
