can we get nightvision for the apartment?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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