Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
