i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
