this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
