she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
