I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
