We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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