I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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