Someone shit on the floor
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
