i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When are your genitals available?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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