I think my vagina is haunted
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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