I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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