11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
