turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
