he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize