The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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