so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
