I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
