Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
