Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
