Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
