she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
