i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
