apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
