Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
