i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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