Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
