I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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