u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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