R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
