Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
