Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
