he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
