she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
