you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
