there's paper in my vomit.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
