i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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