if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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