I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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