Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
