So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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