id be glad to
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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