Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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