On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize