Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
