If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
