Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
