Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
God I need to hump something, right now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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