Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize