she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
