She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
