He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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