And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
