You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
