It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
