So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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