Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
