Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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