i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
